Mr. Badass

tsuitenai


Tsuitenai

It'll only take me a year, not ten!


tsuitenai
Kikazatte iru, asoko no kanojo
Oh yeah, ii kanji sa
Sukoshi mae kara zutto
Ore no koto wo mite'ru

[...]

Feel so bad, feel so bad
Tsuitenai gakkari
All night long, all night long
Asobou ze konya wa
All night long, all night long
Shikatanai futari de

Fandom is my place and I don't want Real Life to find it.
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
Anyway. I should really get a life outside of fandom, but fandom pretty much is my life. My hobby pretty much, uh, revolves around it. Kind of how my studying Japanese lies heavily in anime and manga and that lies heavily in fandom and yeah. And all my anime habits pretty much always revolved around one guy and most of my early J-Pop days revolved around the same guy and it's really weird. My walls are covered all with anime, manga, and video games except the space I have reserved for my Green Day stuff, and the small corner that has a select few other band posters, and the one poster of a group of horses. ASIDE FROM THAT STUFF, it's all video games and anime and manga and it's all, uh, in plain view.

I have a picture of the cast for Hakushaku to Yousei on my desk. Yerp. I AM NOT SHY ABOUT MY LOVE OF FANDOM, and yet very few people IRL know I write fanfiction. My family knows I write, but not that it's fanfiction. My teachers didn't, either, and just assumed I was writing the Next Great American Novel. I have two IRL friends who are both involved heavily in fanfiction, I have one friend who knows about fandom and my involvement with it, Jay knows it exists and that I'm involved and all that, but he himself isn't... My mom knows all about my obsession with certain seiyuu, as does my friend Nat and my boyfriend, but yeah. No one knows what kind of community I deal with pretty much every single day.

my mom almost got involved with fandom and I freaked because I was afraid she'd find out all this stuff and have all these questions. My brother dabbles and that weirds me out because I'm afraid he'd find my stuff and question it. This is my place in the world and I don't want them in it. They wouldn't understand it. As it stands, they already don't. My brother finds it weird that I find fictional characters attractive. He finds it weird that I have a crush on Japanese voice actors who are at least twenty years my senior and married. (He also finds it weird that I base people's attractiveness on their voice, but I grew up liking cartoons and anime goddammit, where you don't see the actors, the faces of the people behind the characters themselves, so what do you have to go by? Voice.) He wonders why I care so much about this type of community and compares it to Trekkies and says people who attend conventions of any sort are weird. Cosplay is weird to him.

Imagine them finding me here? Haa.

It's the big debate--whether or not fandom should be a secret society or whether it should all be out in the open.

We've seen what happens when someone who is an 'outsider' tries to examine us--I'm sure you all remember Survey!Fail. Sometimes the Powers That Be think we're weird and that we're evil and are heretics and heathens and don't respect them and whatever else.

This is my place. I enjoy it here. It's away from my family. I'm not considered weird here.

It's like a book club. Likeminded people who discuss and share and have all these things in common. And they share it.

Because, honestly, no one I know IRL would understand my love for writing about characters who aren't mine, my love for writing and not getting paid for it because, quite frankly, I can't. And why should I waste my time on something like that when I could be writing my own plots and characters and sell that for money?

Because I enjoy it, and someone out there does too, and I want to share my love for something, and so does that guy, and the next and the next and that is how you get fandom. It all starts with a book or a video game or a movie or an anime and a love for said medium of choice, and it blooms and spreads out from there.

I've been in fandom for so long that it pretty much is my life, it's here to stay, and there's no leaving once I've become completely entangled in it. I've met so many interesting people, seen so many diverse interests and viewpoints, been exposed to things I would not have given a second glance otherwise if I hadn't been involved here.

This is where I'm truly free, where I can be myself without being judged.

No one in real life would understand.

Here I can unleash my imagination, have discussions that no one else would understand, discuss my love for this anime character or that hot seiyuu and people would nod and express their agreement--or disagreement--and it wouldn't be considered weird or out of place at all.

And that is why I love it here.

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008. Why do you write?
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
Or, more specifically, why do you write fanfiction?

I write fanfiction for a variety of reasons:
1.) I like the characters and want to explore them, be it their motives, their personality, or getting inside their heads
2.) There was something mentioned in canon that wasn't explored
3.) There was something in canon that was explored, but not in depth
4.) A pairing was hinted at, but never explored
5.) A canon pairing was put together but never really explored, or was explored poorly
6.) SUDDEN INSPIRATION
7.) Exploring various scenes and situations and how the character(s) would react to them

I think they're all pretty self-explanatory, but if you want elaboration, I'd be happy to explain!

So! Since this is a discussion post, here's your question:

Why do you write fanfiction? Feel free to get as TL;DR as you want about your reasons--I'm interested to see what everyone has to say!


007. A little about my fandom history
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
I've been in many fandoms in my six years of fanfiction writing, usually anime/manga and video game fandoms. I wrote my first fanfiction in various different forms, neither of which were ever published on the internet. My Sailor Moon Mary Sue, Minna Kinotome (also my pseudonym at the time), was mostly exposed to RPGs, usually with other fan-made senshi. I wasn't really involved in SM fandom other than reading fanfiction and role-playing with friends. This goes back to circa 2001~2002.

Sailor Moon is mentioned, however, because it was what got me to think about fanfiction, and inspired me to write my own. Back then? I had no aspirations to become a writer, it was something I did for fun, like video games or Legos. However, Sailor Moon was what first got me into fandom, so that is why it's here.

My first foray into fanfiction? Pokémon fandom, back in late 2001. "The Reign of a Pokémon Master" was my first attempt at a works in progress, and "The Death Letters" was a (very bad) attempt at crossing Pokemon, Sailor Moon, and G-Gundam over. I was very adamant about Ash being paired with my Sue, about Domon being paired with my Sue, about everyone being jealous and it ended up being slightly better than the Resident Evil movies. I still have my first Pokemon fanfics, which can be viewed here (Reign of...) and here ("The Death Letters").

But then I decided, one day, that I didn't want to write Pokemon fanfiction anymore. I changed my fandom to G-Gundam shortly after, in 2003 (November 2003, according to an old printed listing of my fanfics on FFN).

G-Gundam is special to me because it got me into slash, and man did I write it. It was crap, yes, but I didn't know any better. This was a Gundam fandom after all. It was George de Sand/Chibodee Crocket, and I wrote it so bad that...well, I could have written about Todd and Chuck and no one would have been the wiser. The fandom was half-dead by the time I joined it, and it's dead as wood now, because G-Gundam just isn't as popular as the chock-full-o'-bishies Gundam Wing. I deleted every trace of my G-Gundam fics, because in 2004 I realised how irredeemable they were. And I was embarrassed of them. So bye-bye they went. I left the fandom thereafter.

My G-Gundam fics were those road trip ones, complete with "suga hi!!11". I was even accused of plagiarism because I wrote a road trip fic. Never mind that there were five other fics about road trips to Hawaii. My fic was completely different, apparently the reviewer was "jealous" of how many reviews my fic got, and the issue was dropped once I took the fic down. I have never, and will never, plagiarise a fic. Or any piece of literature. I also wrote a rape fic entitled "I'm too Dignified to Do This", which was George/Chibodee. Don't ask; I don't even know why I wrote it. I think I was eleven at the time, too. But I caught the slash bug and it's interwoven its DNA with mine.

Amazingly, I never wrote for Gundam Wing. I was scared of the fandom because I said I liked Relena, and they nearly sent DOS attacks at me. For real. So I stayed away from that fandom.

Moving on, 2004. This started the current-day fanfic writer you see before you, with better grammar and spelling and no Mary Sues to speak of. In December of 2002, I received a game for Christmas y'all might know as Super Smash Brothers Melee. Apparently my diary lied to me and said I unlocked two certain swordsmen August 10th, but it was actually a Saturday in February (I remembered it was a Saturday, and it matched my Melee data), but that's not important. I was enamoured with three swordsmen, but a certain blond was my love interest of the time.

I wrote Melee fic starting on November 24th, 2004. Your typical sugar high tween drivel, of course, where everyone was OOC and I was in the fic. Due to a fic by the name of Momentum, I became obsessed with Marth/Roy, and that was what the fic had in it. Among other pairings, of course. I had your fanon, like Roy being a pyro and Zelda being a bitch, in the fic even. It was a disgrace, and I even tried to rewrite it.

I entered Zelda fandom in 2005 due to my obsession with Link. That was the fandom where my Sues all died, the fandom where I honed my writing skills, where I became quite desensitised to every pairing in that fandom and said, "To hell with it! I'll just ship everything and anything!" Thus, from that, I learned that everyone needs love, and I paired Link with whomever - the more insane, the better. And that carried over to my other fandoms, obviously, because I'm still like that. I was known as the "writer who twisted cliches" because I took badly written plotlines and made them new and interesting. I even parodied badfic ideas, and started a twisted Zelda: OoT novelisation, which I never finished since I left the fandom before its completion.

I left Melee fandom for a time so I could focus on Zelda fandom more. That lasted about three months, because I was hit with several plotbunnies, all with slash involved.

December 2005 was when my interest in Zelda started to wane, because I had a new video game love: Fire Emblem. I thought Fire Emblem was interesting, sure, and I played Rekka a bit.

Part of my interest in Fire Emblem was stemmed by Melee, because of Marth and Roy. So when I heard Souen was coming out, I asked for it for Christmas. It's all history now, because we all know how that turned out. I got into Fire Emblem too late to be able to buy Rekka, and Seima was out for a while (I could still get it in stores, anyway), but I wanted this game because it was for Gamecube.

Souen ruined any interest in video games where there was no personalities. There was a huge cast of characters, all with their own histories and quirks and it was wonderful and Zelda looked so bland in comparison. Souen got me to replay Rekka, and I even lost sleep over it. It was so wonderful, to be immersed in a world as diverse as the characters in it. I was hooked, addicted.

I found Zelda boring after that drug-like experience. It did nothing for me - I needed a game with many characters and I needed them to have personalities, not just...existence and the personality was determined by the player. Why should I care about a character if I can't relate to them? He's supposed to be me, of course, but I can't relate to the character to make him me. Fire Emblem? I could relate to all of the characters in some way. There isn't a character I hate in Fire Emblem. Zelda? The only character I like is Ganondorf, for whatever reason.

September 2nd, 2006 was the day I said goodbye to Zelda. I was tired of the fandom and I lost interest in the franchise because of another love. I never looked back and I can't say I even miss being apart of it.

Before I got into Fuuin, I gave up anime/manga and video game fanfiction writing for a while, almost a year, due to writer's block. In that time, I wrote three Green Day fics, and I began writing het again. I kinda got out of the het fic thing in Zelda fandom because I shipped all slash pairings. The RPS stint lasted about six months. After that, I returned to writing video game fics, which started through Fuuin.

After my RPS stint, I fully immersed myself into Fire Emblem, mostly Fuuin no Tsurugi, a game I fell in love with because it had Roy, and he was my favourite Melee character. (Him and Marth, of course.) So I wrote (and still write) Fuuin fanfic, which spilled over into Rekka fic. I wrote only one Souen fic, and that's enough for me. I have no regrets in regards to picking this fandom over Zelda's. None. I've found things that've made me fall in love with FE over and over again.

Right around the time I started posting FE fic and after my very brief stint in Harry Potter fandom, I started Melee School Boys: Battle of the Bands (subtitle added later), the first WIP I actually finished, and it took me a year to do so. Its sequel, however, was discontinued. Right after MSB: Prom was posted four chapters in, I started Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys, a more serious version of Melee School Boys. While working on this series, I started a Fuuin no Tsurugi novelisation titled The War, scheduled for thirty eight chapters.

During this, I wrote one fic for Count Cain/Godchild, two Resident Evil fanfics, and I'm relatively active in Sukisho! fandom, an anime I got into a bit before Melee Academy.

So that's almost six years (six years July 31st) of my involvement with fandom. It's practically my life.

There's one fandom I would never leave, of course. Well, two, actually, now that I think about it. Melee and Fire Emblem fandoms. Melee's can be sorta batshit, but it's okay. Fire Emblem's fandom is special to me, though, because I met the best friends I could ever hope for, I've had so much fun in it, and I've actually started RPing again! I can relate to FE the most through its variety of characters, the situations, their quirks...

So what's your fandom history? What was the fandom that started you on fanfiction, fanart, RPing, etc.? How did you get into them, why did you leave them (if you did), what made you relate to them?

Fandom history is important, because it makes up a part of you, and it's just as important as your childhood, and for some of us? fandom is our childhood.

006. FAQ #2
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
What was your first J-Pop song?
Moonlight Densetsu. Yeah, that's right. The theme song for Sailor Moon. I got into J-Pop through anime when I was in third grade. It was mostly Sailor Moon stuff until I managed to gank some J-Pop from my brother. (He used to be big into anime.) So I had J-Pop for anime I had never even watched, like Slayers and Magic Knight Rayearth. And DBZ. I stumbled on Two-Mix accidentally, rofl.

How long have you been listening to J-Pop?
On-and-off from third to I'd say eighth grade. The only J-Pop artist I listened to all the time from that period was Two-Mix. Seventh and eighth grade had them and Utada Hikaru. I wasn't big into anime from sixth grade to about freshman year of high school, so it was really lacking at that time. XD

More questions and answers under the cut.Collapse )
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005. List of Anime
Mr. Badass
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This is just to keep track of the anime I own/downloaded that I need to watch/have watched.

Bolded indicates I finished the series.
Italics indicates I haven't finished it yet.
Normal face indicates I haven't watched it yet.
* means I'm on at least my second viewing
  • Gakuen Heaven
  • Sukisho!
  • Gundam Wing
  • Gundam Wing Endless Waltz
  • Code Geass
  • Rurouni Kenshin [TV]
  • Rurouni Kenshin [OAVs]
  • Clannad ~After Story~
  • Clannad
  • Code Geass R2
  • Fire Emblem
  • Gravion
  • Gravion Zwei
  • Hakushaku to Yousei [Earl and Fairy]
  • Kiki's Delivery Service
  • Weiß Kreuz
  • Weiß Kreuz Glühen
  • Weiß Kreuz OAVs [Verbrechen & Stafe]
  • Papa to KISS IN THE DARK
  • Slayers
  • Slayers Revolution
  • Slayers Evolution-R
  • Spirited Away
  • Rose of Versailles*
  • Fushigi Yuugi
  • Special A
  • Lost Universe
  • Sotsugyou M ~Ore-tachi no CARNIVAL~
  • G Gundam
  • Gundam Evolve
  • Saiunkoku Monogatari
  • Sailor Moon*
  • Sailor Moon R1*
  • Sailor Moon R2*
  • Sailor Moon S*
  • Sailor Moon SuperS*
  • Sailor Moon Stars*
  • Sailor Moon R The Movie: Promise of the Rose*
  • Sailor Moon S The Movie*
  • Sailor Moon SuperS The Movie*
  • La Corda d'Oro ~primo passo~
  • ~Kekkon~

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004. Lament for my childhood brought on by nostalgia
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
So I checked uTorrent and saw that my Sailor Moon R was done. Well, the first half of it anyway (with Ail and En). It made me feel really nostalgic.

Nostalgic enough for me to go back on Baka Torrents and download the rest of the series.

You know what? I feel five again. It made me remember when I wanted a talking cat to come to me and tell me I was a princess in a past life, that I could save the world with love and justice.

For the first time in forever, I'm downloading a series that has nothing to do with any of the seiyuu I like. Well, except for Ail and En. Midorikawa voices Ail. But whatever, shut up. (Isn't that sad?)

also, hunting down stuff on Google led to me finding Gundam Wing fansubbed and I almost cried. It was the same fansub I saw in '03, rofl. It's old and dilapidated and the quality and sound suck but... It was the first anime I watched in Japanese (G Gundam was the second), so it's ~*special*~ to me. I am also convinced that if I had never watched this series in Japanese, I wouldn't be the lovable fangirl I am right now. Or maybe I would have been, because I did have Marth unlocked in Melee, and if I didn't procrastinate on Wiki so much, I would have never connected those dots. But. Anyway.

I once said I never really cried when I watched anime, save for the end of Code Geass R2 and Clannad/Clannad ~After Story~. But I lied, because there's this episode of Sailor Moon Stars that gets me every single time.

It's the episode where Rei dies in Usagi's arms.

I bawl like a baby every. single. time.

People can say what they want about Rei, they can say she hates Usagi and is a homewrecker or whatever, but those arguments make me laugh because, well, they've never watched the series. Or read the manga. Or gone on the internet.

Fuck, they don't even have to watch anything except that Stars episode. IT GETS ME EVERY TIME. That and when Haruka and Michiru die in Stars, but I think it's the fact that they reach for each other's hands and jfdksjfkds.

...Now that I think about it, lots of things in Sailor Moon make me cry. I WATCHED THE FIRST MOVIE LAST NIGHT AND I CRIED in between the moments of ho yay between Fiore and Mamoru BECAUSE JFKDSJFKDS and woo subtext between Fiore and Mamoru it doesn't surprise me that Fiore's seiyuu does BL after seeing this rofl I mean it's fucking obvious. And they even say as much in the movie. Haha.

Now I lament for my childhood, because there's no way for me to go back to hoping I was a princess in a past life with a loyal crew of four, a talking cat, Prince Charming, and kickass superheroine-ness. But I must admit, I still feel the same spark of magic as I did back then. It's that same spark that made me create my own Sailor Senshi, which led to me writing fanfiction and becoming active in fandom.
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003. Getting to know you
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
You asked, I answered! These encompass fandom things, stuff just about me, and random crap people saw fit to ask me. All answered here in no particular order--just the way they appeared in my inbox.

So, in the words of Mario, "Here we go!"

What was your first fandom?
The first fandom I ever joined was Sailor Moon. I used to be a huge SM fic reader, and I still remember some of my favourites from Moon Romance.

The first fandom I wrote actual fic for, though... It was a SM/Pokemon/G Gundam crossover. Yeah, with a massive Mary Sue in it no less.

What was your first OTP?
Well, it depends on what you mean. I guess you mean my first ever? I didn't start shipping until Pokemon fandom. I was what they call in the fandom a supporter of AAML, which stands for 'Ash and Misty Love'. Now you'd just call it Ash/Misty. Or, if you prefer original names, Satoshi/Kasumi.

I'm also going to assume you meant my first het OTP, because the next question is...

What was your first slash OTP?
George/Chibodee, from G Gundam. Before that I used to squick myself with Satoshi [Ash]/Shigeru [Gary] fics because I disliked slash.

What OTP has remained throughout the years?
Marth/Roy. It was my first Melee slash pairing, and the first fic I read in that fandom was "Momentum", which is a Marth/Roy fic. I used to ship Marth/Link and Roy/Link in addition, but... Now I don't ship Marth with anyone except Roy and I don't ship Roy with anyone except Marth.

What pairing did you used to hate that you now love?
Link/Zelda.

Who was your first celebrity crush?
Johnny Depp, actually. I had a crush on Heero's seiyuu before him, but he doesn't count because I didn't know what he looked like until years later.

When and why did you start learning Japanese?
This deserves a post of its own, but the brief version is, well, I thought it was cool sounding and I wanted to learn it.

Do you prefer anime or manga?
Depends on the series. I prefer the manga version of Kenshin, for example. I actually deal mostly with manga-only and anime-only series. Or anime based off of dating-sims or something.

What kind of anime do you watch?
Anything that has my favourite seiyuu in it. Note that 'seiyuu' is plural here. I've found some awesome anime through this method that I would have skipped over otherwise.

What was the craziest fandom you've ever been apart of?
Gundam Wing. I didn't even have to think about that one.

If you don't like 1/2 [Heero/Duo] then what do you ship in GW?
1/R [Heero/Relena], 6/2 [Zechs/Heero], Une/13/6/9 (ooh, a love rectangle!) [Une/Treize/Zechs/Noin], 6/9, 3/4 [Trowa/Quatre], 5/Sally [Wufei/Sally], 1/3 [Heero/Trowa], 2/H [Duo/Hilde], 4/D [Quatre/Dorothy], and finally, R/D [Relena/Dorothy].

Do you still remember the numbering system for GW?
The above demonstrates it. I remember it because each number corresponds with the respective pilots' name (most associate it with the numbers their gundams were given in the show). Heero's name, for example, comes from hi which means 'one' in the Sino-Japanese number system. Duo I think is Latin for 'two'. Trowa comes from the French word for 'three', Quatre from the word 'four', and Treize from the number for 'thirteen'. Wufei's comes from wu which means 'five' in Chinese. Zechs is the German word for 'six', though spelled incorrectly (six in German is 'sechs' which is pronounced zechs). Noin's name comes from neun, which is the German word for 'nine'. ...Did I leave anything out?

Oh. Milliardo. Milliardo means 'million' in Italian. Noventa is nineteen in...I think either Spanish or Italian. I forget. Septum is sixteen in...Latin? Italian? One of the Romance languages.

...Yes, I am a geek.

Got a question? Feel free to leave me a comment here, or send me an email: roysmyboy217 [at] gmail [dot] com!
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002. It all began when I was six...
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
...where I discovered I had quite the imagination.

No, this isn't one of those stories--the type where I ramble on about how I used to pretend I was one of the Sailor Senshi, or how I used to pretend I was a Gundam pilot in my backyard and the swingset was my Gundam. Or how me and my friends used to pretend to cast spells on each other because we thought we were from Harry Potter. Mind you, we knew it wasn't real, but we had overactive imaginations and it was better than cutting our wrists or murdering people.

This is a fandom journal, and while those are probably in some small way a contributor to my years in fandom, it is not the topic of discussion.

You see, when I was six, I was beginning my own stories in my head, where I was a Sailor Senshi, and I and I alone could defeat Evil Organisation.

That's right, I wrote fanfiction before I knew what that was. I didn't bother writing them down until I was eight. My character's name was Landréa Kino, the sister of Makoto Kino, and the cousin of both Ami and Rei. Don't ask, I was six, what the hell did I know. She was what we call today a 'Mary Sue', and when I did the litmus test with her, she damn near broke it.

But this isn't even really about my Mary Sue days--that's for another entry. I have a confession to make, and if you were around when I was active on Blurty, or back when I first got an LJ, you might already know what it is.

I used to be a fanbrat.Collapse )

001. It all began on a dark, stormy night...
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
...except it wasn't stormy, and it wasn't even night. It was almost summer, actually. I remember it clearly 'cause I was sick.

Stained with nostalgic colours.Collapse )

(no subject)
Mr. Badass
tsuitenai
Kikazatte iru, asoko no kanojo
Oh yeah, ii kanji sa
Sukoshi mae kara zutto
Ore no koto wo mite'ru


The name is Jayden, and this is tsuitenai, my fandom journal inspired by mannadon.

Purpose
Like all these other fandom journals, there will be essays relating to fandom and things like my involvement, things about fanfiction, and how I got sucked into this great community. This even includes how I wrote fanfiction before I knew what that even was and how I grew as both a writer and a person.

The Name
Tsuitenai
is Japanese for 'not lucky'.

As for where I got the name from, you can tell I got it from a song. A sampling of the lyrics is even at the top of this table. XD It's an E.M.U. (Entertainment Music Unit) song and it's sung by Midorikawa Hikaru and Ishikawa Hideo.

As for why I picked it... hoshi ni natta hanabi was too long for LJ, so I took another E.M.U. song instead.
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